FREEDOM: free·dom ˈfrēdəm/ noun
" ..at the end of a day, Lord, of skies of fireworks & fireflies and campfires with family & this bold & fearless faith in a future of beckoning steeples & brave people — we thank God for a freedom that presses on till all the oppressed are relieved that won’t give up till those without liberty taste real delivery that wages on till those who've been chained have gained a joy beyond the walls of this world. " - Ann Voskamp Last night under the same stars where thousands of fireworks exploded over Americas freedom thousands of refugees seek answers. Thousands of slaves long for freedom. Thousands of men, women and children long to be seen as more the just commodities...Men, women and children from our own country. On the other side of the world mothers lay awake at night wondering how to keep their crying children from going hungry day after day. Fathers lay awake looking at the night sky wondering what tomorrow will bring. Will their interview cause them to be deported? Or will the interview be delayed causing them to be stuck in a the refugee camp for a few more months under less than ideal circumstances? There are two single ladies who cross with many others from Turkey on a small boat. They spend their first night in the refugee camp in the new arrivals tent with unknown men, women and crying babies. One of them is nine months pregnant and she spends her second night in the refugee camp facing contractions and pain alone. She has nothing for her baby. Beside her on the next bed sleeps a young girl who is eight months pregnant, her body covered in scars. Above them is a young mother of two and her third child is three months along. In the same room there is a lady who was sold as a child, she was forced into slave labor. Then sold again, and again.... And now she is alone in the dark. A few days later the lady who was 9 months pregnant brings me her small baby boy, her face shining for the first time in months. "Gods Gift", she says. - “If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full.” ― John Piper “Fight for us, O God, that we not drift numb and blind and foolish into vain and empty excitements. Life is too short, too precious, too painful to waste on worldly bubbles that burst. Heaven is too great, hell is too horrible, eternity is too long that we should putter around on the porch of eternity.” ― John Piper I've held more women than I can remember in my arms that sobbed over rape, death, human trafficking, forced abortions, forced drugs, scars from abuse, scars made by men who didn't want them to run away from the rooms they were locked up in... These are rooms where women are forced to work as sex slaves. Sex slaves that are held at gun point and had the sharp blade of a knife held to their bodies. We are not called to get over the brokenness that we have seen, God wants us to heal from it but He also wants us to grow in passion and love for the broken..For it is there that His heart thrives. It is there that Christ is needed the most. " ... Our Lord did not abandon us. He left glory, entered our darkness, and did not run, even when facing the cross. He felt like running. He was overwhelmed by what he faced, but he did not abandon humanity. ( Luke 22:42,44 ). He did not leave us alone in our mess, our alarm moments. He does not leave us now. Had he abandoned us, we would have never found our way out. We could not see, we could not think, we could not walk upright. He stays and waits and calls us to come to him. You will want to abandon. There will be a phone call too many, one bad choice too many. You will feel heavy. You will want a life free from crisis and alarms. But the love of the Father does not abandon his own. I see many times we in the body of Christ start off well with a crisis but do not have the staying power. We find it difficult to maintain connection with crisis, especially chronic ones, so we abandon those who have no choice about suffering in their lives. They cannot abandon the suffering and so must endure it alone. Our Head who entered in also does not abandon. '' - DIANE LANGBERG A few get away.... I've heard stories of women escaping through windows or try to run but get their knees sliced by angry, hurting men with machetes. Women who face oceans of fears... women who cried over the ocean itself. The ocean that has swallowed up countless lives. The ocean that leaves small children stiff from trauma, the ocean that is used as a gateway into Europe.. not only for refugees who seek a better life but for smugglers who are treating humans as commodities. '' Human trafficking is the fastest-growing criminal industry in the world, generating more than $150 billion USD every year. '' - A21 '' THERE ARE MILLIONS OF SLAVES IN THE WORLD TODAY MORE THAN EVER BEFORE IN HUMAN HISTORY. '' - A21 Kings & Queens Audio Adrenaline ''Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me Will we leave behind the innocent too brief On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun These could be our daughters and our sons And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating I know my God won’t let them be defeated Every child has a dream to belong and be loved Boys become kings, girls will be queens Wrapped in Your majesty When we love, when we love the least of these Then they will be brave and free Shout your name in victory When we love when we love the least of these When we love the least of these. '' It was my last night in the refugee camp. My eyes were open to more pain than my heart could hold. I sat on a bench with a woman whose brokenness and darkness was heavy. She repeated over and over, "I met you too late! I needed to meet you sooner. I need you to help me. Can you stay?" Those words... I looked up and saw one of my friends dancing in a group of girls. Her dancing stopped as she turned around and faced me; I saw her black mascara running down her face. She walked over to me__her body weak, her heart broken. Tears streaming down her face and pain seeping from her soul. "I just lost my pregnancy Kendie. No one cares about me, I'm invisible to the world." Then after five months she told me her true story. Against her will she was pregnant at the age of fourteen. She was sent out of her home at the age of sixteen. She was then trapped into the commercial sex industry. The only man she ever loved was murdered. So she fled with hopes of a better future. "But look at me!" she cried. "I'm stuck in a refugee camp and I would rather be living under a bridge than knowing my son is hungry right now." Then she said "I was going to commit suicide this morning, but I'm still alive because I got a message from my baby boy telling me that God was never going to leave me. All I have left is God. And I'm still here... But I don't know why.." '' Break our hearts once again Help us to remember when We were only children hoping for a friend Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open Boys become kings, girls will be queens Wrapped in Your majesty When we love, when we love the least of these Then they will be brave and free Shout your name in victory When we love when we love the least of these When we love the least of these If not us who will be like Jesus To the least of these If not us tell me who will be like Jesus Like Jesus to the least of these Boys become kings, girls will be queens Wrapped in your majesty When we love, when we love the least of these Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory We will love we will love the least of these We will love the least of these We will love the least of these We will love the least of these We will love the least of these We will love the least of these '' 2 Corinthians 4:6--12 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side,but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. Psalm 107:14-1614 He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains. 15 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, 16 for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron. I've held broken people, but I've also been the broken person who has been held. His brokenness heals all our brokenness. People don't see the way my hands are shacking right now as I type this. People don't know the way they shook with sobs as I held them...Women who keep room fulls of women awake from their sobbing. We live in a broken world and we are all seeking answers and asking to be loved. God is not asking us to get over the brokenness that we have seen, He wants us to heal from it but He also wants us to grow in passion and love for the broken..For it is there that His heart thrives. It is there that Christ is needed the most. “Nothing about my birth - or yours - was random or accidental. I was born for this time - and so were you. We were each chosen for a particular, cosmically important task that can be done by no one else.” ― Christine Caine “It is one thing to be awakened to injustice and quite another to be willing to be inconvenienced and interrupted to do something about it.” ― Christine Caine “How easy it is to let the depth of the ditch or the severity of the brokenness stop a good work before we even stoop down to do it.” ― Christine Caine
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''Why ever be afraid of the Truth? You only need fear the Truth of anything — if you think Christ isn’t capable of redeeming everything. ....Wounded One? Thriver? You gotta believe — there’s a whole lot of us who believe. A whole lot of us who are getting to our feet and sticking out our necks and we want you to know: we want you. You, not masked… you, not prettified, but you with your messy scars and your tender blue places and all that just-below-the-skin-hurt. Because when we ignore suffering — we ignore the Suffering Savior. We need you. We needed the wounded, we needed the limping, we needed the hurting, we needed the broken and messy — you are us. We need to cup your tears, to water hard and crusted places, or there’s no growth in the Kingdom of God. We need your raw story — or we lose any hope of the redemptive Story. We need to hold your broken heart — or we have no heart. I. am. sorry. I am sorry for how alone you have felt. How abandoned, how ignored. We need you — It is the wounded ones who makes us heal. And it is the hurting ones who make us honest and it is the broken ones who put us back together again and it is the scarred ones who make the Body of Christ sensitive.'' - Ann Voscamp Who am I kidding, women's international day was hard. My last two months have been hard. Being a woman in a world where vulnerability is an everyday battle, is hard. I cry myself to sleep a lot. I've also seen beauty in a new way through the hard. I long to be safe but I've never experienced grace as I have the last few months. These days where evil, darkness, and pain are most real I've been seeing beauty, joy, hope, healing, grace, love and freedom..In the most outstanding way. There is so much worth in being who were created to be as women. Cared, loved, wanted, lead, held....delighted in. As I thought of woman's international day, I imagined myself at a beautiful out door party with girls from all over the world dancing, laughing, speaking life into each other. But it rained on the island and the party was canceled. Instead I spent hours sitting in a hospital surrounded by women from all over the world. One sat in the corner silent, unseen, and tired of fighting hard battles others knew nothing about. Next to her sat a beautiful young girl from the middle east with her husband who clearly loved and took care of her. A gypsy lady and her young daughter__their sandals were to small for their feet__stood outside in the rain waiting for a ride. On the other end of the room sat a beautiful mother who doesn't belong on this side of the world, she sat in silence messaging her sixteen year old daughter for her birthday. A mothers heart longing to care for the life of her child but instead she is fighting for her own freedom and well being. Soon two women from Africa walk in, one was in so much pain she started shaking; her eyes filling with tears as she tried to smile when she made eye contact with a familiar face.. I kneel beside her and speak the few french words I know. Soon she falls asleep. Outside the rain keeps falling and we sit and wait... Then our names were finally called one by one. I'm sitting in the hospital too. I put away my badge, I'm one of them....I'm not just a translator. I'm not sick but I'm broken too. I have pain too. I need to be cared for too. I'm the girl who struggled with Anorexia for years, the girl who didn't think she would ever be good enough, the girl who would stare at the knives in the kitchen and wonder if cutting her wrists would make her pain inside go away... if the blood running down her arm would somehow seep out the pain locked up inside? I'm the girl who blood was shed for by Someone who chose to take my pain and give me a future... eternity. Because He loved me. Loved even me. I look around at the women in the hospital and I see women who need someone to enter into the darkness with them and walk with them into the light. We are not alone in this battle called life. We are always seen, always being pursued, always called His beloved. Last week we sat in a room where the air was heavy and the mood was even heavier. Days seem to just get longer and unanswered questions scream louder in their heads. We sat on the beds and painted their nails. Faces smiled. Girls felt seen. Broken souls embraced beauty. Bodies covered in scars. Scars that tell a story of injustice but also of strength. A story that impacts ability to see the world through eyes of grace. We had walked by the ocean only the day before picking wild flowers with young girls who smiled and saw beauty in the world for a moment. We walked past a playground where there were children playing. One of the girls said "I've never been on a swing before.'' So we swung__our faces looking golden in the sun. Living a moment of the childhood she never had. Sunday we sat by the ocean again. I sat on the mounds of dry sea-weed and beside me sat a girl staring out to the ocean. Her story flashing before her eyes again.. Questions showing silent on her face... Then she said "Do people really think that all refugees fake it just to come to Europe? Do people really think I crossed just so that I could get a better job? There is no way I would ever risk my life and cross that ocean unless I didn't have a better way out. I risked death cause I knew death was certain if I stayed." Her eyes look at me with question..''Do you believe my story? Will you value my one broken life? Can I trust you to not walk away, trick me, abuse me, forsake me... ?'' Then she said " I trust no one.'' I hear these words spoken every week. I stay. I speak. I stare out into the ocean with her. And soon she says... " Thank you, thank you for today.... I'd like to speak the truth." The truth is hard, shameful, brutal, and broken.. I hear it in their words and voices every week. ''I don't know how many times I've been raped." ''I was locked up in a room.." "I was held at gun point..." ''If I would try to run.. they would cut me with a knife. See this scar? " ''I was tricked." ''My life is all a lie." ''My husband doesn't know what happened to me." ''I don't trust anyone." "I'm so ashamed." ''I will always remember.." "I was beaten.." "I thought He loved me.." ''They see me as a commodity.." ''I tried to take many pills.." "I was forced to take drugs.. my baby died." "I lost my pregnancy as we ran down to the little boat in the ocean.. I only held it in my hand for a moment, then had to throw it into the brush." ....We all have a story. We all have words that break our hearts when spoken. But we are all seen by eyes of love. No matter how people label us, we are enough to Him who is enough no matter how hard life gets. '' ...everyone you meet today is fighting this hard battle & needs courage. Needs help to live "in courage." Needs someone to encourage with words that give strength for their battle. Every woman is here not to one-up one another — but to help one another up. "Gently encourage... & reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet..." 1Thess5:13MSG We see it again and again -- Christ always welcomed the rejected. When Christ stepped out of that black tomb, He still didn’t choose to first manifest Himself to prestigious officials, religious leaders, the Twelve, but instead He revealed Himself first to the women.
He entrusted the veracity of His resurrection to the testimony of the women. He offered the privilege of proclaiming Christ as the risen Savior to the women. That’s how God loves women with His esteem. Christ didn’t degrade women in His talk, but He made women heroes in His stories. You just keep doing the hard & holy things. Heroes don't shirk back when the alarm goes off, they hit the floor because they know they're called. You keep taking the path of most resistance because it often leads to the most reward. You keep keeping company with Jesus because you know the bottom line: The accomplishment of a day isn't so much about accomplishing goals *but abiding in God. '' - Ann Voscamp. ''We're heaven-spun creations His pride and adoration Treasures woven by his love His careful hands they hold us Safe within His promise Of calling and of destiny. Live a life that breaths grace...each day. These last few weeks I've had to depend on grace as oxygen. When everything I once knew seems to be changing so incredibly fast. Sometimes it feels like life doesn't give me time to catch my breath before it knocks it right out of me again. But we hold on to the fact that in all the unknown there is new falling together. We chose to remember His faithfulness and how far He has carried us. And in the midst of all this pain, change, chaos and unstoppable love we can give thanks because He is enough and in Him we are enough. No matter what tries to undo us there is always something to be thankful for and even if we don't understand.. He does and that alone is grace and enough to be more then thankful for. I will sing of all You've done I'll remember how far You carried me From beginning until the end You are faithful, faithful to the end A Father's heart that's for me A never ending story Of love that's always chasing me His kindness overwhelming And hope for me unending He's never given up on me " To love mercy and do justice and follow Christ means to be The Revolutionary Guerillas of Grace — radically turning the fallen world Upside Down.-" Ann Voscamp. I prayed that if God was calling me back to a broken place where eyes have lost hope and little children's tears wash away the filth on their face's and leave clean stains on their cheeks. A place where cold damp wind whips through tents and fires burn down hopes and what was left of the sense of belonging. A place where young girls are being treated as cargo.And an ocean where little boats are out at sea with no security or compass their only hope relying on the unknown, a small Island of hope and despair. There was a young lady who told me about her crossing from Turkey to Greece. She told me about the lies, fear, debt, water, children, parents, guns,masks, rape, and being pushed out in the little boat to face the waves and the endless sea in front of her. She also told me of the prayer she prayed and Gods faithfulness and how the minute she set foot on the little boat a peace came over her and that peace did not leave her till she set foot on solid ground again. " It was God's peace" she said. So often life feels like her story. And my prayer is for the same peace on my journey. There wasn't a day That You weren't by my side There wasn't a day That You let me fall All of my life Your love has been true All of my life I will worship You Four weeks ago I was living the life I always longed for inside. I was with my family, in a safe place, risk was low, surrounded by awesome people. I had a good job. People didn't expect much from me and life was comfortable and beautiful. I am thankful for times like these, God does call us to rest, grow, and be present in his plan for our lives.( If that is where you are embrace it.) I had told one of my friends that it felt like the two months of rest God had given me before calling me to Lesvos....
And then it all changed again. One morning we bought tickets, my grandpa got really sick and we traveled to Costa Rica for two unexpected weeks. During this time I was also asked to give up my comfortable lifestyle and move to the small island on the other side of the world again. The home in Central America where I grew up as of this week is being sold. My parents were asked to move to South America but for the mean time we plan on living in North America. I'm not sure where I belong or where I am going. But He does. The truth is my soul is terrified at life right now. The last few months it felt like all the pain I've seen and all the wreched injustice caught up with me. I'm terrified of seeing more pain, loss, darkness.. I fear not being able to look into faces who's eyes don't shine. I'm terrified of holding brokenness in my arms and seeing tears run down the faces of beautiful souls who have been treated as commodities when in reality they are beautiful, wanted,... enough. Will they see His love for them through me, through my broken?.... I'm terrified of more change and stepping farther out of my comfort zone. I'm terrified of labels, expectations and vulnerability.... I'm terrified of letting go. But this season in my life along with all the crazy and unknown has so much to offer and there is so much I can be thankful for. God has a purpose for each of our lives and no matter where we are or are being called to He alone is our goal and He is enough. We only have one shot at life and eternity. Your life has purpose... your ability is not limited by your past or by your circumstances.God can take what the enemy meant for ruin and make it the power point through your life. '' Now, now, is the time for the Church to be the Church. In the past, the Church may have been defined by what the Church is against — but, in this defining moment in history, when the world is facing the worst humanitarian crises of our time, may the Church be clearly defined by what it is for. And the Church has always been for the stranger, the sojourner, and the welcoming arms of the Savior. How can we not move heaven and earth to let the broken in – when heaven moved and came to earth to let us in?'' Ann Voscamp. Last night I was telling my brother that I feel like a refugee and I realized that we are all refugees in this world. We are not home yet. We are all searching for answers and seeking refuge. We are all on a journey but we are never alone. Never forgotten. Always loved.... Home isn't a place it's our destiny. Our refuge is in God alone. My mom tells me this morning... " You wouldn't believe what is happening to me. I forgot my american passport.. it's three hours away across the mountain." Then she goes on to telling me how she prayed that if God still wanted her to travel today that He would allow her to be on a flight this afternoon without having any cost. An hour later the lady who was helping told her that it should cost $200 to change her flight but that she noticed how calm she has been while waiting and that she will let her fly this afternoon for free." ... My mom then goes on to tell me how she went outside to wait on my dad who had gone to pick up her passport and during that time she met a homeless lady who needed shoes. So my mom gave her the shoes she was wearing.... During this conversation mom keeps telling me that she doesn't know if she is doing the right thing. And I'm loving the fact that God is showing us that no matter how crazy life is, no matter how many things don't go as planned, He still works through those times. A flight was missed but some one noticed the peace my madre had in a crowed of so many people. A passport was forgotten but a homeless lady now has shoes. She not only has shoes but she was noticed and told she is loved. ( We love you madre. ) '' Why in this busted world do we drop chemical bombs on the innocent lung of playing children, blow up hospitals where flailing preemie babies grasp for breath to grow up and into a world where we desecrate and defile the image of God in each other? Why do some of us feast while some of us starve and why do some of us go to sleep under roofs and snow falling quietly down and some of us go to sleep under bombs roaring down — and what if there was always enough given to this world if everyone in the world would just share what they’ve been given?... ...Everything we have — it’s a gift we’ve been given.Our work doesn’t earn us anything, as much as God’s grace that we were born here gives us everything. There’s Thanksgiving coming, all this gratitude rising, there’s Advent coming, all His love descending, and there’s a broken, abundant way forward, the breaking open of doors and hearts and hands and an abundance of love overflowing all of us and flowing over all our brokenness and healing us all in the deepest ways... When we have something — maybe we don’t lock our doors tighter, but open our doors wider." - Ann Voscamp Love isn't always painless but it is always worth it. "In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” Jn13:35 Love takes you to unexpected places, countries, cultures ... and you meet unexpected people with unexpected stories. Sometimes love, it calls you to hold babies with dirty faces, mothers longing for stability, and young girls who's eyes don't shine any more. Love calls and carries you threw times when you cry with women who have been brutally raped and forced into slavery. And it calls us to sit in the dust with little boys with scraped knees and rocks in their little hands to defend themselves or to stand on dark street corners on dark nights drinking coffee with young men in heals.Love calls you to invest your time in the people you love, your children, homes, and church..... There are times we are called to be still and allow ourselves to embrace and let the pain and reality mold and heal us into who we are called to be. And more often then not the latter is harder for me to accept. This week a young girl ask me " Kendie how do you deal with the things you see and hear while you are in ministry? What do you do when words don't stop ringing in your ears?There are words that don't stop ringing in my ears." I understood. I smiled and thought about how often I have asked myself this question and memories of sleepless nights,voices,and eyes with no emotion they all hit me in that moment. And I thought how ironic it was that she asked me, because this last month this very question is one of the ones I have been seeking answers for myself... And it always comes back to embracing God with all your heart. '' How do we deal with the fact that suffering is unavoidable in our calling, and even chosen, that we willingly walk into the dark, into the face of unimaginable things because of love?'' - Sarita Hartz Istanbul is on my heart. I see faces of people who told me stories of their time spent in Istanbul. Like many cities it has hidden stories and dark secrets we seldom hear about, but I saw it on their faces and I heard it in their stories. Stories told on the other side of the world. I sat by the Aegean sea with a young girl and was told a story. A story about a girl she had seen come back from working as an escort in Istanbul. She told me about how the girl in the story sobbed and about the look on her face. What she thought would be a night spent with one man was instead spent with twenty men who raped her. Her life shattered, her body bruised.... The girl telling me the story was a few years younger then I am and her story was also heartbreaking. We let wave after wave splash up onto our feet as my friend told me the story, the view of turkey just across the Aegean sea. And I wondered how many other stories were never told? How many people have taken the time to listen? How many people see what is hidden in plain sight? There is so much hidden in plain sight. There are so many people screaming to a deaf world. I had a nightmare while I was in Greece. I was being forced to work as a sex slave. I couldn't stop it. I didn't have a voice. I couldn't get anyone's attention and no one answered my phone calls. I felt like I was trapped behind a glass and people would walk right by me on the street but I was hidden in plain sight. I had never felt so invisible or cheap in my life. My body would be sold for only a few euros. In my dream I was looking into my own eyes..my eyes didn't shine anymore. My eyes were full of pain and fear. I woke up. But the reality of my dream is that there are so many girls out there who do not wake up from this living nightmare. There are girls today, right now being forced to sell their bodies for less then the price of a pita. Who will go to them? Who will hear their silent cries? Who will walk with them through their pain, healing and restoration? " He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot. " I could not cry if I did not love, and it is those bonds forged in adversity and despair, those bonds tightened through sitting with someone in their pain and allowing it, which grants me greater access to God’s unfathomable compassion. I feel His heartbreak, therefore I know His heart. I bring mine before him, and therefore He knows me more intimately. I am grateful for pain because it teaches me I still have the capacity to love, to have a heart that is tender and penetrable. This is the missionaries’ journey to allow oneself to be broken open again and again..Understand just because you do good and are serving God does not mean you are guaranteed protection from pain. This is a great lie that will gut you. That’s just not Jesus’ message. He entered into pain willingly to save us. He entered into the pain of others. We live in a fallen world and we have an enemy who wants to destroy us, who would use our pain to label us a “victim.”...But we will not let him. '' - Sarita Hartz What we believe to be a fact is often what we struggle to accept. Honestly, the last month and a half I have struggled with feeling like I failed my mission. I was too weak,... I failed. My heart felt broken into a thousand pieces and I thought that I would never get it all back together. And the words that so often were spoken to me and also spoken from my mouth kept coming back to me " Remember to take care of yourself Kendie" Self care echoed in my mind until the other night I finally fell apart, I stayed up late and I let myself be okay with hurting, I couldn't stop the tears, and my heart was screaming at God,... I was angry because I hate pain and I've seen and felt so much pain. And my heart longed to know "What did I do wrong? I questioned God's goodness. I doubted..... Deep inside I felt like this breaking, this loss was my fault. I questioned if my life had purpose anymore. That's when I felt my own heart beating and God whispered "put your hand on your chest and feel your heart beat." Every pulse proves that there is still purpose. Seasons change. Loss and gain happen. My heart keeps beating and with every pulse I experience love, new beginnings, grace, healing, growth... each pulse tells me that I am loved by the one who breaths life into me. Loved by the one who gave up his own heart beat so that each of mine would beat with a purpose. With each heartbeat on the cross He shed more blood for me. He gave his life for me. He won the battle for me not because He needed me but because He wanted me. Then He whispered " Kendie, let yourself be taken care of.".. And that changed everything. It is His battle, not mine. I believed that, but somehow I hadn't embraced it. No this does not mean I will now step back and do nothing, it means I can move forward believing that no matter what happens we have overcome. Sacrifice, death, resurrection. '' What if transformation wasn’t about God making me more perfect so He could love me more, but instead was about changing me so I could experience His love more perfectly? ... He finds us completely worthy just because we are —because He made us. God doesn’t love us any less because we’re broken. In fact, the care and time He takes to restore our lives is just another way He shows how much He loves us... His desire is for us to have more of what is most important—more peace, more joy, more love.'' - Ann Voskamp. Burnout is real but it's not a destination. Don't let the feeling of failure and doubt stop you from finishing that which you are called to do. Pausing or changing the course doesn't define failure. Sometimes the course of our futures change and in those moments it's hard to see the big picture, it's hard to adapt to a new environment... Just because everything has changed doesn't mean you aren't moving forward. You would be surprised if you knew what God is doing through you and the circumstances. Be faithful. You have not failed.. you've been called into a part of the battle that needs you. Allow yourself to be taken care of. He cares for you and every detail of your life. Sometimes our greatest accomplishments come in times of being still and knowing that He is God. Resting in what we know is truth. - 31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. 35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[a]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:31-39 Don't run from pain, embrace it. Don't let the pain and darkness of the world we live in today harden your heart, embrace the pain, press into the pain for it is there that you will find God. He too feels the pain. He knew how much it was going to hurt, and He took it upon Himself on the cross. The cross was a server mercy. Severe Mercy meaning : "A blessing of great degree, requiring great effort, that is an act of divine compassion." For a few months I lived on the other side of the world on a small Island in a country where I couldn't understand the language. I sat in a small room on a rug middle eastern style drinking dark coffee with girls who were from my side of the world. The difference about us was that I had chosen to travel to this Island and they had not. I spent hours with these girls and a lot of the time I spent it looking into eyes that told a story of pain, loss, rejection and lies. Dreams shattered. Hopes lost. But what stood out to me the most was how God was woven through their stories. How Gods love was showing up in each of their lives and through their lives my own life was touched. ''Through the eyes of men it seems There's so much we have lost As we look down the road Where all the prodigals have walked One by one The enemy has whispered lies And led them off as slaves.'' She knelt on the floor, more like crumbled on the floor and tears streamed down her face. Her heart breaking, walls shattering, and life finally making sense. For the first time she knew in her heart that God delighted in her. Not for who she was, what she was,where she belonged or even what she had accomplished. Not for who she wasn't and despite what she had not accomplished He delighted in her. He made her because He delighted in her. And the words I so often told other girls, became a reality in that moment. I was that Girl. Life isn't a fight for justice, it's a battle for love. It was later that week in the same room that I sat on the same floor with about six other ladies. We were again drinking dark coffee and talking about life, pain, loss, joy, love, hope, and a future that would be more then a detention center and boiled potatoes. As I looked into their eyes, eyes full of questions, lives full of pain, and lies.. trust lost. As I sat there and thought of the words that had become a reality in my own life a few days before. How can I express what my heart knows, that even after having been tricked into believing the lies of a trafficker God delights in them. And as I look into their eyes, eyes that didn't shine anymore I didn't see failure.. I saw women who were loved deeply. Women who were chosen. Women who Jesus shed his blood for so that He could give them life and spend eternity with them. That night words were spoken in that room from my mouth, but the words were being spoken to my own heart because how can we speak truth if we don't believe truth. Words of love and truth were spoken and they were carved deep into my soul. That no matter what has happened to us, no matter where we are in the world God is with us, no matter where the lies of a trafficker lead us no matter how many nights we spent in a brothel, no matter how many euros or lack there of, our sexuality is not labeled. Our bodies are not commodities. No matter how long we were homeless on the streets, or how many years we struggled with anorexia and believed the lies that we were not good enough. God doesn't just love us, He delights in us so much that He chose the cross to give us life. Later that week I again sat on that floor, this time with only one of the ladies. She held her knees and she cried uncontrollably. A story of broken, lost, pain, fear, and shame was told. But then she looked right into my eyes and she said. " I understood that God loved me, but I never knew He delighted in me.. And ever since you said that, when I get sad I think about the fact that God delights in me and instead of crying I sing because I know I can feel it." And my heart melts, because I can feel it too and I look into your eyes and I see hope. Your eyes they may even have been shining. But we know that you are God Yours is the victory We know there is more to come That we may not yet see So with the faith you've given us We'll step into the valley unafraid. As we call out to dry bones Come alive, come alive We call out to dead hearts Come alive, come alive Up out of the ashes Let us see an army rise We call out to dry bones, come alive. God of endless mercy God of unrelenting love Rescue every daughter Bring us back the wayward son And By your spirit breathe upon them Show the world that you alone can save You alone can save As we call out to dry bones Come alive, come alive We call out to dead hearts Come alive, come alive Up out of the ashes Let us see an army rise We call out to dry bones come alive. "Come Alive (Dry Bones)" by LAUREN DAIGLE "Refugees are amongst the most vulnerable people in the world to human trafficking. They have no security, and no identity. No one knows where they are... so if some of them go missing, no one will know." - Phil Hyldgaard '' Greece is known as the center of trafficking in Europe. Human trafficking refers to the illegal trade of human beings, mainly for the purposes of forced labor or sexual exploitation. With thousands of refugees in Greece, the risk of human trafficking in the area is at a critical level. Across Eastern Europe, the average age of a trafficking victim is 12-years old. At every point along the refugee journey, children are particularly vulnerable and susceptible to exploitation. Traffickers have also been known to take advantage of the highly populated refugee routes in order to move their victims into destination countries throughout Europe. In the time that it takes for a refugee to rinse a shirt, or simply consolidate their belongings, a family member could fall victim to modern-day slavery. Statistically, it happens every 30 seconds. - A21 - I knelt down and held you, there were rocks flying less then ten feet from us. Your daddy was out in the fight. Your mother was crying. She ran to the high wire fence to try to get a glimpse of your father among so many of the men who were throwing rocks and running around with metal pols. Your eyes went wild when you lost sight of your mother. You had fear like I have seldom see in the eyes of a child. You stood beside your baby bro and started to sob uncontrollably. I held you and thought of my bro who was out there somewhere in the fight too and part of me wished he would be a kid like you again and I could hold him and keep him safe. Yet most of me was proud of the man he has become, brave enough to reach out and risk his own safety for the safety of others. - You are always everywhere at once. Sneaking food. Trying to get into the staff room. Down at the police station. Playing soccer. I gave you so much cloths because you would literally destroyed them within two days. Your eyes are bright and you trusted no one. But one day you came running up to me with fingernail polish and your eyes were shining as you motion for me to sit down. We both sat in the dust, I was loving the fact that you were so happy and you were beyond proud of the fact that I let you paint my nails. You looked at me for approval, your eyes asked "Do you love me? ".. I wish you knew how much you are loved kiddo. - Girl, you are so tinny but incredibly strong. Your eyes are huge and full of determination. I watched you ride a rusty bicycle, the back tire is just the metal frame. I watched as you drove over someones shoe and went flying. For a moment your eyes showed emotion but then you jumped up ran over to the shoe, picked it up and threw it with all your might up onto the roof. You glared at it for a while then you smiled like you had just overcome the world and picked up your bicycle and started over. Your eyes shining with the excitement, but also dark with determination that this life is not getting you down with out a fight. - You have beautiful messy hair and you aren't more then two years old. You have the most adorable cheeks and you smile at the world around you unaware of the reality. Your chubby little feet walking around in the dust and old orange pealing that are among rocks that were thrown by angry hurting men. You were playing on the path by a tent with your older sister. Your face was dirty and your red hair matted from all the dust. As I watched you I saw myself. You and your sister were sitting together laughing and playing with a phone. And I rememberd doing the same thing and I wonder where you will be at my age. Will your eyes still be shining? Will you know that someone loves you so much that he chose to die for you? - You stood in the food line with your mother who was holding your younger sister. You are so small and gentle yet so tough. I came up to you and asked to hold you. But the look in your eyes told me that you did not trust me. You ran and hid behind your mother who was sitting on the sidewalk with a look of lostness in her eyes. When she saw you smile it brought joy but it was only for a fleeting moment. You hid and watched me for a long time and I had to wonder what you story is, you come all the way from Nepal looking for a better life and now you play with sticks and empty water bottles while hundreds of people who are looking for meaning and longing for answers surround you everyday. - Your name is Miracle. You were strapped to your mothers back sleeping peacefully. You are living through one of the largest humanitarian crisis yet you are at peace with the world, with your ear up against your mothers back. I wonder if you can hear her heart beat? And I can tell that she loves you and is risking her own heart beat to give you a better life, to give you a future. Soon you wake up and try to hide your face yet you can't help but smile and your big dark eyes shine as you blink up at the sun. - You stomped your feet and screamed in my face for a cup of hot "Halib''. Your eyes screaming for love. Longing for security... - You seldom smile. You have big brown eyes and you look at me from below your long eyelashes.Your eyes don't show emotion yet you are longing to be noticed. I held you and sang " Kendie loves you." and for the first time that day you put your head back laughing, your eyes shining. Soon you fell asleep in my arms. - Your mother was taken to the hospital and you along with your three other siblings were left with us. I stayed in the staff room and colored with you for a long time. Your eyes were full of question and the only English words you knew were " Mama Hospital." and "beautiful". And you repeated that over and over again. We colored butterflies and flowers and for a while you would forget that there was a care in the world and you would smile and point at the picture and say ''Beautiful'' but then I would see it go over your face and you would say " Mama Hospital." - You were in a tent solo. You aren't more then fifteen years old. Incredibly young and vulnerable. You tell me that you are traveling with your brother and you are from Somalia. Your eyes are emotionless yet you look at me full of questions. You smile and tell me you don't speak my language but the look in your eyes say more then a thousand words. - You were in a fight yesterday, kiddo you are so small. Your legs are so skinny and you were so scared. The other kids were so mad but you were the one who walked away with a busted lip. The kid that was yelling "beep you." I wish you would also have noticed that he wasn't angry at you he was just asking to be loved. I noticed you crying and sitting solo against the high wall..I went and sat with you in about half and inch of dust. Although you wanted to be tough when I put my arm around you and held you all those walls came down and for the next hour you let yourself be the seven year old kid you are. You would have fallen to sleep in my arms if that other kid wouldn't have come and thrown rocks at you. You hid under my arm, and that is when I realized how small you are and how big and scary your world is. You had clean streaks running down your face from where the tears had washed away the dust. Your mother brought you to me because you had scraped your knee and it was bleeding. You hid behind your mothers skirt and looked at me with big eyes. I smile and sit down with you. I remember being a kid and scraping my knee, I know it hurts. I loved the way you looked at your mama with pride over your new band-aid..... - These are only a few out of thousands. Only an handful out of the hundreds of children I have seen... You don't have to be at a refugee camp to reach out to others around you. ........................................................................................................................... '' - Children don’t let the darkness of the world overshadow its beauty. They don’t make judgments. They just try to love—whatever and whoever stands in front of them. You’ve seen this in your own littles, who live with awe and wonder as their daily companions—picking up a rock to examine, planting a kiss on the crease in your forehead, staring at a hawk overhead, beaming a sudden smile at a stranger. And you know what? Almost always, the stranger smiles back. For a split second, our little one’s unconditional love brightens someone’s world. Children start out this way, but often something happens. We know, because it most likely happened to us, too. Worries crowd out wonder. Selfishness crowds out sacrifice. Longing for more crowds out love for what is. Problems crowd out people. '' - Ann Voscamp. I lean not on my own understanding,
My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven I Give it all to you God, Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me I will climb this mountain With my hands wide open I will climb this mountain With my hands wide open There is nothing I hold on to There is nothing I hold on to There is nothing I hold on to There is nothing I hold on to All Glory To God, Forever. Amen ''There are a million beaten paths. And no matter what words people use — everyone is just asking to be loved.'' - Ann Voscamp I see it. I see it in the eyes of the little boy who comes running up to me to give me a hug and kiss my forehead every morning. I see it in the eyes of the little boy who asks me everyday " Whats your name?" And then walks away saying " Kendra, I love you Kendra." I smile and say " I love you Mohamed." I see it in the eyes of the lady who stands off by herself watching me, staring at me until I take notice of her and smile then she smiles back and no longer feels invisible. I see it in the eyes of the parents of crying, hungry children. I see it in the eyes of the little girl who screams and stomps her feet for milk. I see it in the eyes of the young girl in a wheelchair also in the eyes of the young girl with down-syndrome when she asks me for a juice. I see it in the eyes of a beautiful girl who tells me she plans on traveling to Paris, getting married and live the life of her dreams. I see it in the eyes of the girl my age who is having panic attacks. I see it while I kneel beside her bed and hold her had. I see it in the eyes of her tough brother, I also see tears in his eyes the eyes of a young man we often label as "Terrorist or ISIS." But I see it in his eyes and I know He to has a deep longing to be loved. I've seen it in the eyes of people longing to be more then just a number. I've see it in the eyes of people who are prostituted. I have seen in the the eyes of men on dark street corners in heals. I have seen it the the eyes of hippies playing their beat up guitars. I've seen it in the eyes of homeless men and woman living on the streets San Jose and Amsterdam. I have seen it in the eyes of Gothic Youth at the park in San Jose and I see it in the eyes of my own community. I've seen it in eyes in our churches. I have seen it in the eyes of people I love. I have seen it in my own reflection.
We each have a story and I believe we all have known pain and lostness. We are all longing to be loved, longing to be seen and be more then just a number. And in the end we are all longing for a Savior. How can we as Christians who know there is hope,unconditional love, and salvation live in apathy. How can we live in the light and not break through darkness. And how can we not extend mercy and a little sacrifice. Someone died for our salvation, can we not then risk leaving our comfort zones? Reaching out can be as simple as a hug, cup of chai, a smile from across a room, a moment of your time. But don't ever underestimate the power of a kind word or deed. "Does it not stir up our hearts,to go forth and help them, does it not make us long to leave our luxury, our exceeding abundant light, and go to them that sit in darkness?" Amy Carmichael - Fight for us, O God, that we not drift numb and blind and foolish into vain and empty excitements. Life is too short, too precious, too painful to waste on worldly bubbles that burst. Heaven is too great, hell is too horrible, eternity is too long that we should putter around on the porch of eternity.” ― John Piper This is the fist picture I took in 2016 I remember praying " Jesus, this is what I want my feet to be like this year. I want to go where people need me the most." I had no idea. For those of you who did not see my comment on Facebook I just wanted to let you know that I will not be posting about our trip on this blog. If you want to follow a few of my stories or be part of the prayer group just email me. God is awesome. .6 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you while you may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them. 7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. - Psalm 32: 6 - 7 Ryan and I are on our way to Greece. For the most part I feel like I'm walking stone blind into the unknown. Part of me wishes you all would think I have it all together. But I don't. I wish I could tell you that trusting comes natural and that this journey into this insanity has been easy. But honest, trusting has been so hard. There are nights when I yell what seems like logic into my head. " Blast it Ken! Why do you get yourself into crazy deals!? Cut it out! Can't you keep your trap shut and stop praying for hard stuff."
And God just whispers " Trust me." I could tell you about the moment right after my ticket was bought and I didn't know if I should cry, laugh or do both because I checked my mission account had only one $1 and $20 to my name. I know. But I could also tell you about the fact that I had $1000 within a week and that God is faithful. God doesn't do random. Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. . . . [For] your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.” (Luke 12:22, 30–31) I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:11–13)\ Max Lucado says "The secret to loving is living loved." Courage comes from a heart that is convinced it's loved. - Prepare my mission. Please back us up with prayer. Pray that God would lead us and work through us. Also for each of the people we meet. Huge thank you to all the people who have been praying for us and backing us up. We love you. - "Today is a day that the Lord has specially made (Psalm 118:24). He has planned it for you. It has a purpose. No matter what it holds, give thanks for it (1 Thessalonians 5:18). For God does not waste a day and he will not waste you. And if you love and trust him, you will one day discover that today, unremarkable as it now seems, will do you remarkable good (Romans 8:28). " - John Boom. |
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