![]() Again, everything in me is screaming for protection against being known. Right now I'm anything but tough. Amsterdam feels like a far away dream. And yet, It's showing up in everything I do. Screaming at me. Telling me I will never be strong enough. Brave enough.Good enough... But the truth is. I'm not strong enough, brave enough, or good enough. And that's really okay. "We’re no longer slaves to fear. That doesn't mean we’re emotionless now, or never face fear, it just means we don’t have to obey it." -Jeremy Riddle "Some of us hide behind our faith to flee the pain of our lives rather than trust God to transform us through it." - Peter Scazzero On the sidewalk in Amsterdam I saw my reflection in a window. I didn't realized how small I am until then. It cracked me up. I was like, '' Ken, really? What do you think you're up to? How could you make a difference...?" We were not called to live crazy lives.. We were called to believe. And yet, sometimes that's what crazy looks like. Taking steps into the unknown.... “God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.”-Francis Chan in Crazy Love ''Jesus said, '' Everything is possible for him who believes." - Mark 9:23 ''With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.'' - Mark 10:27 ''For nothing is impossible with God.'' - Luke 1:37 Believing is one of my greatest wars. Believing that there is a plan beyond what I see. Believing that there is beauty in a world so full of darkness. Believing that no matter the outcome,..It's for good. Believing that it's the small things that are our greatest accomplishments in life. Believing that sometimes our strength lies in being still. Believing that I am worth dying for. Believing... Why can't we trust someone who already won the battle? Its not about winning anymore. Now it's about overcoming. The battle is won, but the ash and smoke are still blinding and choking us. We are now fighting for those who are wounded and being swallowed up by darkness. I thought I was tough, kinda...until I went to Amsterdam. On my own, I am nothing. I am weak. I am human, I am labeled a sinner. Shoot. I am one. I am capable of being judged, and found guilty. Cheers, we all are. At midnight I stood at the door of a brothel. Two young men came walking towards me. The look in their eyes will haunt me always. I was just a piece of flesh. Just something they thought they could pay for... The thing is, I was able to walk away. I was there by choice. I was with an amazing group of people taking coffee and cookies to the girls at the brothel. I am free. But those girls are my friends...Not all of them have the freedom to walk away like I did. Not all have the freedom of choice. The fact that I am free does not make me worth more. We are equal. We both have names. We are both loved. You are loved... more then you know. Most of us take our freedom for granted. We take so much for granted. I'm slowly realizing that the things I think I depend on the most are the ones I am most capable of living without. We've been given the gift of freedom. Embrace it. There was blood shed, don't take it for granted. Your life literally depends on it. Don't blow it. It wasn't cheap. The cool thing is, when Jesus was on the cross He wasn't just thinking about the people we label as "sinners". He wasn't just thinking of the two young men that walked up to me at that brothel. He wasn't just thinking about Pimps, drug dealers,...... He was thinking of me. He was doing it for me. When He said, '' Father forgive them..'' He was thinking of my sin. He was taking my sin upon himself. Trust me, there in nothing pretty or fun in what he received. And yet, he asked God to forgive me, because He wanted me. He knows who I am. He knows what I have done. He knows my heart, and my pain. He gets me. He knows how nasty my guilt feels... Because he took it. And he still chose to love me. He still loves me. Love is pain...its not cheap, but its worth fighting for. How can I doubt. How can I not trust 'me,....' with someone who gave me my freedom. And died so that I could live in freedom..... How can I not look past 'me.....' and give someone else hope. We are all worth fighting for. We all have a past. None of us are perfect, not even close. ...we say we are good when the truth is we all feel like we are drowning. Be real. Life is not a competition. Be you. You're amazing. You're story does not disable you, it enables you. - ''He moved through the days in peace and wonder, for his whole story had been told for the first time, and he found that he was still loved.'' - Pablo Helmer - ''Hardships often prepare ordinary people, for an extraordinary destiny." - C.S. LEWIS
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