...I curled up on the couch, leaned my head on my daddy's shoulder and let tears stream down my face. Because we all need someone strong to lean on. We all long to be on the receiving side at times. We all need love. Because It's love that heals hearts in this broken world. And my bro brings out his guitar and sings "10,000 Reasons"..
''...You’re rich in love And You’re slow to anger Your name is great And Your heart is kind For all Your goodness I will keep on singing..ten thousand reasons for my heart to find. '' - " Why do we keep thinking we have to be somebody different to get the love of anybody at all.Why do we keep thinking who we really are couldn’t be who He really loves.Why do we believe that to be blessed we can’t be ourselves. We hide ourselves because we don’t think we can be loved for ourselves. I’m thinking it’s that — We wear masks when we feel barely loved. Are we missing Jesus in our days — because we go through our days missing chances to share our real selves? " Ann Voscamp. ''...We give thanks because You are near...'' Psalms 75:1 Sometimes it's the small, the ordinary that make the change. And God whispers " ......in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."John 16:33 - Friday I spent some time at the park. I chose the bench in the corner where it was quiet, less crazy, and less then a block away from the biggest brothel in San Jose.The park was crowded and wild; there were people with masks and the music was loud, but most of all the darkness was present. For about an hour I sat alone,..In the back ground. As I watched the crowd I realized that very few people were laughing. It was a facade, an act. And I wondered if being there, being present was making a difference? And I wondered what it would be like if everyone would be who they were created to be. Because we were created for more then a mask. And so often we believe that our value and talent lie in our ability to be someone we are not. You are loved for who you are, not your act. - You came and sat on the grass a few feet away from me. Also wanting to stay in the back ground. I smile and you expect me to look away. Instead I went and sat with you. You look at me with question in your eyes.Others look at us with question in their eyes.You have so many walls of defense. You hesitates to say your name. I act like this is me being normal, because it should be. You put on the look of " I don't need you in my life, ..Why would someone want to identify themselves with a young man in a pink tank top, shorts, and flats.'' I keep talking. I notice that your eyes get shiny. Then you said something that didn't have anything to do with what I was randomly not shutting up about. You say '' I don't know what I would do if the man I live with wouldn't love me,.. The day he doesn't love me anymore. I think I will die." The look in your eyes said it all. '' Why are you doing this? No one loves me, or takes time for me unless it is to take advantage of me.'' You were still trying to figure me out. I remember the chocolate I have in my backpack, I ask if you would like to have some chocolate with me. Because who doesn't love chocolate? You smile. And I feel like I've just run a marathon because, you smiled. That made my trip worth it all. You said you would love that. So we sat and ate half of a dark-lemon-pepper-chocolate bar. Then you showed me something you had, something you owned that meant the world to you. It's a small card that looks like a business card,... on it are a few words that say Jesus loves you and can save you. You point out the smudge on the small piece of paper. You tell me that it is smudged because you were reading it this morning and got tears on it. And the tough man in a tank top, the one we often labeled as a transvestite, he swallows hard and looks away trying to hide his emotions. I tell him that it's beautiful and that Jesus really does love him, so much. Soon he walked away and as he leaves he says, ''Jesus loves you too linda.'' And this girl, She swallows hard. - I went to a different park bench. While at the park even if I am not aware of it my eyes are searching the crowed for a girl. The girl I took out for coffee, the one who quoted " I have had sex with hundreds of men but do not knew the meaning of true love.''... And then you were there, getting off the bus and looking right at me and splitting into a huge grin. You come and sit with me and I tell you that you look beautiful today. And you look at me like " Really? Me beautiful?'' Yes girl, you beautiful. We finish the chocolate together and by now I'm clearly overdosing on chocolate. But I'm loving the way your eyes light up and that something as ordinary as chocolate can make lonely, hurting people smile. really smile without a mask or a facade. Life is hard. Everyone has a story behind what we see. Lets be gentle. Lets be present in each others lives. - '' There’s no denying that there is great brokenness in our world, but God still loves the world and that means we shouldn’t give up on it. John 3:17 says, “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” Rather than believing the worst about the world, we should seek out the beauty and goodness inherent in creation and train ourselves to see each person as an image-bearer of God. That means, too, that we should fight against injustice and create a better and more beautiful future. The brokenness of the world deserves to be grieved, certainly, but it might best be grieved through joining creation in its groaning rather than through making snarky or cynical comments.'' - Relevant Magazine. - It was after midnight. Anything but a Cinderella moment. I was tired. I had seen so much brokenness. We were ready to go home. I was standing on the sidewalk with a cup of coffee in my hand. And then you were there, walking towards me with both hands pointing at my face. The look on your face still makes me smile. Your eyes were huge, really huge, and you had this crazy grin on your face. I thought you were on a high and wanted the coffee. And then you said, " You look so much like your sister."..Then I knew your face, but could not remember your name.. You tell me and I remember seeing my sister sitting on the sidewalk beside you. You were so excited. I couldn't stay long, but as I left you ask a question that will forever be present. We were about half a block away.. And you yelled " How can I be certain that I will make it up there.." You look up and point to the sky... And that is one of the reasons why I was a tear mess last night. Because when I close my eyes I see your face, I hear those words, and the words of so many others. All searching for meaning. All longing for someone who can take their pain and broken hearts and make it better. And my Father he whispers " Kendie, can you trust San Jose with me? Can you rest in knowing that I am love, I am great, my heart is kind, I am good, and I love them more then you do? Can you rest in knowing that I rejoice over you? I celebrate your journey. This journey called life isn't about how much you accomplish, but about love and relationship. - "Tears sting my eyes again, but this time tears of gratitude.When we see we are loved in our need, we see how deep this love really is. Love that reaches past my failures and loves me anyway – this is what changes me.'' - danilissa "In the receiving... " - "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." - Romans 8:18 - "Peace (and peace of mind) doesn’t come when you finally have all the answers and your plan is crafted perfectly. Because the plan will change. It will get messed up. Peace comes when you trust that God knows even when you don’t. Let that be okay." - Coleen York - And I breath again. Because no matter how many times a day my chest feels tight when I remember a face, phrase, moment,or vulnerability. No matter how many nights or how many times a night I have to tell my brain to shut up and give me a brake from it all. No matter the outcome. "God knows, even when you don't." One of my friends said it well, ''A God that sits on the corner with you while you prostitute yourself : That is what reckless, creative, extravagant love looks like.'' Something inside of me gets all wrecked and emotional, because although I know it well, because there are few places I have felt God as near as I have on the dark streets of San Jose. Although I know, it's still good to really see it in words. ''A God that sits on the corner with you.'' ...A God who is always present. Always lovin' you. Let it be okay, that you can't fix the people you see. Let it be okay, that love, not news-blowing-action is what changes wars, lives, and stories... - Faith doesn’t demand answers. Faith, by very definition, is being comfortable with what we don't know. - Relevant Magazine
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