"You are only one. I am gathering an army." - You are just one in the army. In this battle we are fighting, we are not called to focus on the masses, but on the one who already overcame. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.'' - John 16:33 It is a battle where we fight alongside the person next to us.The one person God has put in our path. Just that one. We can't fix people. Only God can restore, but we can live out-loud,love,and show up.... You will be known for showing up. We can be the change we wish to see in the world not because of our capability, but because of our willingness to show up and be present in the lives of the wounded. Be a light in the face of darkness. We are not the Savior, but we are who they see.. And through us they will see Him. Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you. ― Mother Teresa God answers prayers. ''He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.'' Psalms 147:3 Last week as I flew out of San Jose. Looking down over the city... so many buildings and people. A few of their stories have wrecked my life. They've changed my world...my goals. The last time I was in San Jose I received a gift. And I met four people all with different stories. And I was reminded again, that prayer is awesome and we have a good Father. -To the girl who changed the course of my future. My prayer on the bus was that if you were still alive that God would lead you to me. My taxi drove up to the park. You were literally across the street from me and walking in my direction. You were not steady on your feet. I got out of the taxi. I was weak, not steady on my feet either because this is the second time God answers my prayer and you walk right up to me. I said your name. You look up and I smile, and you tear up. I ask if you remember me after two years. Your tears answer my question. You tell me you need to go.. You hug me and put your hand on my cheek and smile through your tears. You have kind eyes and a beautiful soul. I tell you I'll be at the park if you want to go out for coffee later on. You walk away, across the park to the building that tells the stories of broken dreams, lives searching for meaning, for love, and acceptance.... "His purpose for us is much greater then our purpose for us." There was a man sitting in the park, on the park bench across from me. He asked a few questions because he heard me speaking Spanish. Then he went on to tell me about his family's history.Then he said " Girl, as Christians we think life is complicated, but it's not about us.. we don't see through a birds eye. You know, maybe someday you will hug a prostituted girl, someone addicted to drugs, or a homeless person.... And they are going to walk away. And maybe you will never know the impact you have made. But you don't see the big picture or how God can use your hug." He didn't know the war going on inside my heart..Having just seen my friend walk across the street to the brothel. He also said that Christians need to wake up. He quoted the verse when Stephen was being stoned...- ''Lord Jesus receive my spirit." He fell to His knees, shouting, '' Lord, don't charge them with this sin." .. Then He said ''If we would stand up to the truth, and be willing to love and forgive like Stephen did..The world would change." Girl, right about that time you came back. As we walked to the cafe I had this crazy grin on my face because I had never been more honored or excited about going out for coffee with one of my friends. And yet as I ordered my coffee all eyes were on me. Humanity labeled me as crazy. Sometimes I label me as crazy, but this was not one of those days. I was so honored to have coffee with you. You chose the table smack in the middle of the cafe. And humanity labeled you as low. I hope you know you are more. You are incredibly magnificent, you are an unrepeatable miracle. As we sat there you told me parts of your story...You told me that the building across the park is not what it's cut out to be, that there are no words that would describe it. Girl, you are only six years older then I am. You ask me a question, and then you said something that ripped me apart. You asked " Girl, do you know what it's like for a man to really love you?" Then you said."I can only think of one man who might have loved me...'' Someone who made you feel safe. And my heart blows up because I remember that you also quoted, " I have had sex with hundreds of men but do not know the meaning of true love." We sat at the table, you had tears running down your face. I hold your hand. And Ann Voscamp said it well today. " I hold her and sometimes it is best to re-break so you can heal right." And my heart was hurting so bad. Because I want to make it better. I want to make your pain go away. "God’s mercies are new every morning — not as an obligation to you, but as an affirmation of you." - Ann Voscamp - To the waitress at the coffee shop. I'm sorry if I made your life complicated. And I'm sorry I wanted to bust your face in for the way you looked at my friend. You made her cry. And I don't get angry easy. But you have no idea.,. Inside, behind the smile you saw, my coffee was in your face. Because of the way my friend was labeled she didn't want to stay and finish her coffee. But not until later did I really think of the verse the man at the park had quoted. ''Lord, don't charge them with this sin." And I know you weren't stoning me, but the way you looked at me.It sure felt like it. And then it hit me again, ''We all have fallen short of the glory of God."... I was angry at you, and as far as I'm concerned that's just as bad as stoning you. I'm sorry I was a brat. And I'm sure the coffee was amazing, although I don't remember tasting it. But that wasn't your fault. - Little girl, you came running up to me at the park.Your eyes were huge and you were grinning like crazy. I panicked because I couldn't remember your name. I knew your face but couldn't place it...and clearly you knew me! And then it hit me. You rapped for us the other night. I was glad you did not remember my name. It made me smile when you said that if you ever have a little girl you would name her after me. You opened my eyes to something I knew.. but you took it to a new level. Life on the streets is about survival and it's all about trust and relationships. And they both take time and work. You sat down on the bench with me and asked me when we are coming out for pizza again. I tell you I don't know but we plan on doing it again soon.. Then I saw it go over your face, and you tell me something that makes me go cold..." You didn't know it, but that night that you guys brought Pizza, I was living on the streets. That day they had kicked me out of my house." You tell me you are home again and things are going better. You are sixteen... And I remember that night in the park. There was pizza every where. And you were one of the few girls among so many young guys. Then you did something that I didn't understand at first. You gave me your bible and said I could borrow it until the next time I see you. At first I hesitated. In my mind I'm thinking... "I should be the one giving. And what if I don't see you again?'' But then I realized that you needed to know if you can trust me.. Because if I bring it back to you. Maybe I'm honest... You ask me what my favorite Psalm is.. I tell you. I asked you what yours was. And its beautiful. And right on. You looked at me with question in your eyes and you tell me, "I know God loves me. Even now, He loves me.." He does. He loves you so much child. 'He's a God who only makes originals.' You are loved...chosen. Even on dark nights when you are alone. He loves you, always loves you. You gave me a gift that I will always love. And it proved to me that small actions done with love aren't small... We sat on the floor of the dome. You showed me your stamp collection, then you picked one out for me. You look right at me and tell me you want to give me a gift. It's small, old, and used...But it's beautiful. You gave what you had with love. And it's awesome. The man at the park. He said that often we don't reach out and be the change because we don't feel strong enough or good enough. Someone else could do a better job, right? Lately someone quoted '' What matters is why are we doing this, the answer is Jesus. You can't do it. Only He can.'' Sometimes we look at ourselves as that stamp, and if we only focus on what we see.. It's dirty, old, used, and messed up. But we are more. Our true value lies in someone who went to the cross and back..and in Him we are new,loved, and strong enough....Through Him we can be the change. ''Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.'' Mother Teresa
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"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke9/6/2015 Friday night we sat through traffic jams for about an hour. Our trip didn't turn out like we had planned. Instead of getting to the park at four we got there at six. But in the end, Gods timing is never random. His plans are always perfect. As we drove through the city, there were literally hundreds of people walking by and suddenly it hit me, so many sad faced. So many stories. So many people looking for meaning. Searching for answers. Longing for more.. For God. And do we really care? Do we really know the meaning of love? Are Christians really doing their job, believing, trusting,... His hands and feet? San Jose has more people then the country of Belize. Friday night my bro,... He taught me again that when we are common and real we blow up this world. And that sometimes all it takes is a young man and his guitar to bring a group of hurting youth together. And through their music, although unique. They told their stories. My bro, he walked across the park and sat down with a small group of young men all of them dressed in black. Soon he started playing his guitar and singing for them. Before long they wanted to share their music and talent as well. Honestly, as I watched him sitting there solo, fear punched me hard. He's my bro and for a few moments I was scared to death for his protection against the darkness, heaviness.. And yet, I haven't been more proud. If you want to hear the cry of a street kids heart get them to spontaneously rap for you. '' Todo esta descontrolado, no sabemos que a pasado. Han matado en todo lado, y a mi me han buscado. Me han dicho que dan orden de captura, quien me lo asegura? Si yo siempre busco alturas padezco de locuras y con la droga se me cura....." - Street kid. - "People don't need you to make them feel good, they need you to add value to their lives." - Asher Witmer I sat across the park alone for a while. In a city full of darkness. Pain is real and I saw it on all their faces. I saw it in their eyes.. - To the hobo who had walked for miles because he is sick of city life, and refuse to ride a bus.. to go with the flow. Because he quoted, " The more people you surround yourself with, the lonelier you become.".. He also quoted. " People think I'm crazy because I love sitting under trees and listening to the birds instead of listening to music.. I don't believe we were created for this crazy lifestyle. Sometimes I don't know what I feel anymore..." I hope you never forget that God is the only one who can give life real meaning. That although you feel alone and lost in crowds of people in this crazy world, you are never alone and you are always loved. - Our friend who writes poetry for a living. I love when you read to us..I love your facial expressions. You have talent. Your poetry seeps loneliness and so many questions about life, art, fire, God.. Your story matters. Your battle with HIV matters. You matter... "You gain influence with others not by being perfect, but by being real." - Asher Witmer ![]() - To the young man who quoted " I'm just a piece of trash." I'm sorry humanity labels you as trash sometimes. But you are more, and no matter what you have been labeled as, you are not that. You were created with purpose cool guy. - To the tough girl. You are so brave. Life has been rough on you, but it hasn't got you down. You are an insane rapper. And as you rapped your heart was screaming for acceptance, for assurance. You said something that at first I couldn't figure out. But then I got it,..You were saying " I might not be as pretty as the girls in the brothel across the street, but my value is equal. " You didn't say it in those words. But that was the drift. And girl, our value is not limited by our looks or our abilities. We are all loved and worth dyeing for. And child, you are amazing! - To the sixteen year old girl. You are so young... you have so much life ahead of you. I wish you knew that you broke our hearts. Your vulnerability and innocence scared me to death. Your insecurities don't label you. Your size doesn't define you,... You are so loved baby girl. - You in the white hoodie. You are awesome. You have a cool laugh and I loved your humor. You quoted " I come to the park to distract myself so that I don't feel alone... " For the most part your humor hid the fact that you are petrified about life. But your eyes screamed fear. I hope you know that you are not solo on scary lonely nights. - To the dude with perfect English, who lived in Florida as a kid and now ended up on the streets of San Jose. Your eyes were so dark. So full of hate and lust. So full of emptiness... You chilled behind the scenes but your presence was huge. Heavy. You tried to figure us out. Did you get it? Did you leave knowing we really love you..that there is hope in your darkest. That is wasn't just about pizza. That there is more in this broken world. -Yo future padre, you rapped about your fear of being a daddy..You told us that you were going to be a daddy in nine months. That you were scared to death. that it was an accident. I hope you know your child is not an accident. That your baby has a heart beat. A soul that is eternal. That your babies eyes will shine. That your baby is loved and chosen.. That you are loved and chosen. - You who quoted " You guys coming out to the park was not in vain." You showed us a picture of your darling little girl. I saw the panic in your eyes when you said you had to change your life around for her. You told us about your addictions.. your future hanging by a thread... - You four girls, you who walked through the park and towards the biggest brothel in San Jose. You ripped me apart last night. I wish I could have talked to each of you more then just a few words and a smile....I hope you know that you are more then the height of your heals. I wish I could have given you a hug and made the pain go away.... I pray that someday you know the one guy who died for you because He really loved you to the cross and back. - To the cool world traveler. You told us about your amazing business. You told us how life has treated you so well you could have retired at 35. And about your wife and three little children. You stayed and had pizza with us.. not because you couldn't afford something far better then a piece of pizza and small glass of coke. But because you were shocked. I'm sorry you had to be surprised that someone would take the time to have a pizza party at a park with street kids. This should be something common. You quoted " I haven't even seen this in the mega churches in the USA. " ... And yet you got it. And when you left you said " I'll be thinking about this.. People don't see this anymore." “If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full.” ― John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life Study Guide "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke After the pizza party someone ask me " Hey guapa, what is it that makes you so happy?" He made my night. Because he knew it was something more... Then my bro started playing his guitar again and singing... and again the group came around and shared their talent,.. but it went from heavy, dark, dirty ,... to broken stories, longing, loneliness... In the end my bro, he sang worship. And the rest of us we finished up the pizza and passed around the cinnamon rolls for the 6th time. And as my family and Gilbert's walked away after the pizza party. Those sad faces, they were smiling. And my heart was blowing up because so often I'm so blind. How can we keep living the norm,.. knowing there are so many sad faces, so many eternal souls searching for a way out. - “Fight for us, O God, that we not drift numb and blind and foolish into vain and empty excitements. Life is too short, too precious, too painful to waste on worldly bubbles that burst. Heaven is too great, hell is too horrible, eternity is too long that we should putter around on the porch of eternity.” ― John Piper
-“Desire that your life count for something great! Long for your life to have eternal significance. Want this! Don’t coast through life without a passion.” ― John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life - “My joy grows with every soul that seeks the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Remember, you have one life. That’s all. You were made for God. Don’t waste it.” ― John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life - It was a cold night in downtown San Jose. You were dressed in black. Alone on the dark street corner. It was late. You were my age. I smile, you start crying. I put my arm around you. You were shivering, not just from the cold. I try to keep a normal conversation. I fail. You avoid looking at me. All the while my heart is blowing up. My brain is freaking out, because I think of my life, my dreams, goals, prayers hanging by a thread,.. I know you have the same emotions,dreams,years ahead of you..because that's what us girls do best right? Dream. You told me you would be up until morning. Then you look me in the eyes and said, ''I haven't had any customers tonight?" My heart went numb. It was not a statement. You were not trying to justify yourself. You were asking me a question. It was a question so full of meaning, pain.... Your heart was screaming. '' Am I really not worth it!? Does my life even matter? Am I this invisible?".... I tightened my arm around You. I gave you a phone number. I asked you to please call. I walked away. I looked back and smiled at you one last time . You were so young. And by the look in your eyes. Your eyes. You have big beautiful eyes. But until later I understood what was different about them.... I new it hurt. Pain that I don't begin to understand. Your eyes didn't shine anymore. Your eyes still keep me awake at night. Every girls eyes should shine.
- Dear barefoot girl from the red light district. You couldn't take your eyes off of me. You couldn't figure me out. You were smelling glue out of a Coca Cola bottle. I saw it go over your face when the drug hit. You were still looking at me, but didn't really see me anymore. I don't know if you remember, but you started screaming. I think you were having a flash-back, although at the time I didn't realize it, or know how to help you. You were so scared. All I knew to do was stand with you. And then I became the barefoot girl for a few hours. You walked away wearing my sandals. I wondered if you would remember me... You did, a few months later. Only it wasn't me, but my sister. You came running up to her saying. "You're the girl who gave me your sandals." Through my sister I found out that you work in one of the lowest brothels. I'm sorry... But I'm glad you remembered me. I hope someday we can be friends. - Little girl with the Afro. I saw you across the park. You are so young. You have big beautiful eyes. A beautiful name..You laughed a lot. But we all have our ways of putting on a facade . We all have our talent that hides our insecurities. But your eyes, were full of pain. Longing. Broken dreams..... I wish I could have talked to you more then just a few minuets. Your body told a lot of your story. Your arms have tiny scars from your wrist up to your elbow... I wish you knew that scars can become a masterpiece. That scars don't define who we are. That they can make us beautiful. That you are not what has happened to you. That you are more then the pain you feel inside. That you are seen. That you are worth more then what the world asks of you. I pray you meet the one who can heal your deepest scars. You are beautiful...And beautiful, you don't have to prove it. - You were sixteen at the time, and five months pregnant. Selling drugs. You're quiet, but not shy. When I came and sat with you in the dome..It was like you knew me for a long time. When I ask you if you knew what you would name the baby, you were surprised. You didn't expect me to think of your child. You only expected me to notice your belly, age,... You told me you were not living at home anymore. I know you were trying to be tough...But I also know that no matter how tough we appear to others, we each need a hug at times. . I'm sure you are an amazing mama. And I hope that someday you can be held by your own mama again. - To the beautiful Girl who changed my life forever. The first time I saw you, you were on a high. We were walking in different directions.. But something inside of me knew I would never forget you.. I prayed I could get the chance to talk to you. I did. That afternoon God answered my prayer. You came running up to us for a piece of Pizza. Girl, you were so hungry...You didn't realize it, but your story changed the coarse of our future. Over the next few months we got to know each other more. You always came running. I will never forget the day we were sitting on a park bench. You were crying, your tears were dripping down onto my feet...The last time I saw you, you were going to have a baby. You were looking for a way out. You were dreaming of a better future... I wish you knew how much you impacted my life. Our lives. That I was proud to call you my friend. That your tears were seen in heaven.. You quoted, '' I have slept with hundreds of men, but I do not know the meaning of true love."... I pray you find true love. - Me. I haven't been sexually exploited. I haven't been fiscally abused, most people would say I have a really great life. But we all have a past. A story. We all know pain. I believe that sometime in her life, every girl is faced with broken dreams. The feeling of worthlessness. Insecurity.... This is coming from a girl who through most of her teen years hid her struggle with anorexia and depression behind a smile. Because I didn't feel good enough. I didn't love me. And we live in an era that isn't easy. The world has put women in the spot light. We are labeled as cheep. Cheep sexuality has become part of the '' norm. '' .... And in all honesty, no girl can live up to the adds and pictures that we see everyday. We can't live up to it, And blast! Its okay. We were created for more. A while back I was asked a few questions: - " What is the most attractive thing about a man?" - "Is it true that girls are more attracted to a man that makes them feel safe, then by a man who offers them everything to the moon and back? '' Lately I was at a six week seminar on Human Trafficking. Someone quoted: '' The sexiest thing about a man is his ability to make a girl feel safe. '' I think all 30+ girls agreed. - '' Words are weak instruments of love.... People need to be shown, not told.'' - Blessed Child YOU Girl...I don't know the story behind your scars. But I do know that you are more then your profile picture. You are more then the 'likes' you get on Facebook. You are more beautiful then the 50 + selfies on your phone...or is it 500 +? You are more then the number of customers you have each night. You are more then the size of your waist. You are more..... Because in the end, no one wants you to change. You are loved. Wanted. Enough. Beautiful. Your Scars do not disable you, they enable you. What people have said about you does not label you. Please don't believe the lie, that I believed for so long.... It hard. You are loved by someone who gave His life for you. - Its okay to be you. To be real. - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18 -" He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."- Psalm 147:3 YOU guy. You are not the problem. Sin is. I know we label you as a jerks sometimes..But, You are good enough, cool enough, strong enough, brave enough..... You don't need a six pack to impress a girl. I'm sorry that you have to live with the cheep beauty the world promotes. I'm sorry that we ladies make life rough sometimes. I'm sorry you are expected to live up to what the world expects of men. Your story matters. You matter. You are loved. In the end your scars show how far you've come. A few of the men I admire the most, are then men I have seen work through their pain. Men that are willing to wear there scars with honer. Not because they are proud of their mistakes. But because in the end, wounds only heal in the open... - Healing comes when we have grace for ourselves, and are able to forgive and admit our own mistakes. - "Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." - Brene Brown " He moved through the days in peace and wonder,for his whole story had been told for the first time, and he found that he was still loved." - Podo Helmer - from Andrew Peterson's North or Be Eaton - '' Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. " Kahld Gidram ![]() Again, everything in me is screaming for protection against being known. Right now I'm anything but tough. Amsterdam feels like a far away dream. And yet, It's showing up in everything I do. Screaming at me. Telling me I will never be strong enough. Brave enough.Good enough... But the truth is. I'm not strong enough, brave enough, or good enough. And that's really okay. "We’re no longer slaves to fear. That doesn't mean we’re emotionless now, or never face fear, it just means we don’t have to obey it." -Jeremy Riddle "Some of us hide behind our faith to flee the pain of our lives rather than trust God to transform us through it." - Peter Scazzero On the sidewalk in Amsterdam I saw my reflection in a window. I didn't realized how small I am until then. It cracked me up. I was like, '' Ken, really? What do you think you're up to? How could you make a difference...?" We were not called to live crazy lives.. We were called to believe. And yet, sometimes that's what crazy looks like. Taking steps into the unknown.... “God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.”-Francis Chan in Crazy Love ''Jesus said, '' Everything is possible for him who believes." - Mark 9:23 ''With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.'' - Mark 10:27 ''For nothing is impossible with God.'' - Luke 1:37 Believing is one of my greatest wars. Believing that there is a plan beyond what I see. Believing that there is beauty in a world so full of darkness. Believing that no matter the outcome,..It's for good. Believing that it's the small things that are our greatest accomplishments in life. Believing that sometimes our strength lies in being still. Believing that I am worth dying for. Believing... Why can't we trust someone who already won the battle? Its not about winning anymore. Now it's about overcoming. The battle is won, but the ash and smoke are still blinding and choking us. We are now fighting for those who are wounded and being swallowed up by darkness. I thought I was tough, kinda...until I went to Amsterdam. On my own, I am nothing. I am weak. I am human, I am labeled a sinner. Shoot. I am one. I am capable of being judged, and found guilty. Cheers, we all are. At midnight I stood at the door of a brothel. Two young men came walking towards me. The look in their eyes will haunt me always. I was just a piece of flesh. Just something they thought they could pay for... The thing is, I was able to walk away. I was there by choice. I was with an amazing group of people taking coffee and cookies to the girls at the brothel. I am free. But those girls are my friends...Not all of them have the freedom to walk away like I did. Not all have the freedom of choice. The fact that I am free does not make me worth more. We are equal. We both have names. We are both loved. You are loved... more then you know. Most of us take our freedom for granted. We take so much for granted. I'm slowly realizing that the things I think I depend on the most are the ones I am most capable of living without. We've been given the gift of freedom. Embrace it. There was blood shed, don't take it for granted. Your life literally depends on it. Don't blow it. It wasn't cheap. The cool thing is, when Jesus was on the cross He wasn't just thinking about the people we label as "sinners". He wasn't just thinking of the two young men that walked up to me at that brothel. He wasn't just thinking about Pimps, drug dealers,...... He was thinking of me. He was doing it for me. When He said, '' Father forgive them..'' He was thinking of my sin. He was taking my sin upon himself. Trust me, there in nothing pretty or fun in what he received. And yet, he asked God to forgive me, because He wanted me. He knows who I am. He knows what I have done. He knows my heart, and my pain. He gets me. He knows how nasty my guilt feels... Because he took it. And he still chose to love me. He still loves me. Love is pain...its not cheap, but its worth fighting for. How can I doubt. How can I not trust 'me,....' with someone who gave me my freedom. And died so that I could live in freedom..... How can I not look past 'me.....' and give someone else hope. We are all worth fighting for. We all have a past. None of us are perfect, not even close. ...we say we are good when the truth is we all feel like we are drowning. Be real. Life is not a competition. Be you. You're amazing. You're story does not disable you, it enables you. - ''He moved through the days in peace and wonder, for his whole story had been told for the first time, and he found that he was still loved.'' - Pablo Helmer - ''Hardships often prepare ordinary people, for an extraordinary destiny." - C.S. LEWIS ![]() To the young man who taught me that our everyday words matter. More then we know. '' - I can't remember your name. But I hope I never forget the way your face lit up. Amsterdam was dark. Only a few stars were out. I remember, because I was lonely and the stars were the only thing that were common to me. And yet I was thankful that I was on the other side of the world, doing what I love. I also remember that I thought the lonely was worth it after I saw your face light up... I stood behind a park bench with coffee and tea set out on the bench below me. There were about 40 + men on the block that night. Homeless. It was cold and windy...Amsterdam wind is damp and strong. That night you ask for coffee. You were not happy. The truth is, you were angry at the world.You were lonely. And for most of the evening you were asking for a fight. I kept watching you because you reminded me of someone and it was driving me crazy, because I could not figure out who it was. You came back for a second cup of coffee, and then it hit me. Frodo Baggins! As I poured you your coffee, I ask you if other people told you that you look like Frodo. You rolled your eyes and said " I get it all the time.'' You tried to act like it was nothing. But your face gave it away. Your eyes shown, huge grin, your entire face split up.... you couldn't wipe it off your face the rest of the night. And you calmed down. You weren't picking on people. You weren't being loud anymore...You didn't want to leave. You were seen. Sometimes we all just need to be seen. We are all human. And we all need others to speak life into us. You probably don't remember me. But I remember you. And I wish you knew that you made an impact on someone who lives on the other side of the world. You matter cool guy. I wish I would have told you that you are not alone in this fight for life. I wish you knew that you are loved, chosen, that you are worth dyeing for. That someone loves you so much that He gave His life for you, on a cross. That this world is blasted hard. But He overcame. He is with you always. You are not alone on dark nights. And I pray that someday, your eyes will shine again.'' Your words have power. Don't hold back an opportunity to give someone the gift of being acknowledged. Start small. But don't walk away. Don't regret. This world needs you. You matter. - '' You don’t join a cause. You live in one. Every day. It doesn't have to be monumental to be worthy of our effort. It doesn't have to be labeled “big” to be worth your time. It doesn't have to be social-media-worthy for you to take a picture. Every single day you have the chance to forget about your “problems” and help the world with theirs. You can’t help humanity if you've forgotten how to be human. God’s Faithfulness in the Small Things.'' - RELEVANT Magazine - '' Travel isn't always pretty. It isn't always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that's okay. The journey changes you - it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory,on your consciousness,on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you.. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.'' - Anthony Bourdain In Washington after an 8+ hour flight from Amsterdam. Words fail me. Amsterdam was one of the best things that has happened to my life... And the next best thing will be going out for Pizza with the family tonight!!! It hasn't hit me yet. But when it does. I'll probably lose my voice....
-“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” – Andre Gide -“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.” – Mark Twain -“Travel is the only thing you BUY that makes you richer.” – Anonymous “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” – Helen Keller It's our last week. This evening I'm up in the Tower. It's so beautiful up here. View of the city, sunsets, music, solo, moon, and tonight there were a few fireworks...God has been so good to me. - "Jesus we Love you." Has been my song the last few days.
- Sam: '' It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something. Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam? Sam: That there's some good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for. - Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers ![]() We live in an age where everyone wants power and strives for more. We live our lives on the go. There is always a higher goal, a new dream,someone breathing down our necks,.... But at the end of the day, we are human. And we all need a hug. We all long for far away places. For freedom, Love, Acceptance... The last few weeks have taught me that joy is not circumstantial. It's not a place or a person. Its a gift. In the last two months I have been in four countries. I have made amazing new friends, and seen places I thought I would only dream of. On this trip to The Netherlands I woke up to the fact that life isn't about accomplishing great things. Its about embracing the small things and finding joy in the common. "You’re more than your hands do. You’re more than your hands have. You’re more than how other hands measure you. You are what is written on God’s Hands: Safe. Held. His. Beloved." - Ann V. Living in Amsterdam has been amazing and beautiful. But the last 5 weeks have been the longest weeks of my life, and the hardest. I've felt like everything I've ever known has been stripped out from under me and left me hanging by a thread. My emotions have been shot. I've come to the place where the only word that describes how I feel is raw. And honestly, its not a bad place to be. Because, nothing is about me. - You gave me the stars, put them out of my reach Called me to waters a little too deep Oh, I've never been so aware of my need You keep on making me see, Its way beyond me.. “We are not called to be successful, but faithful” – Mother Theresa In realty the big things are the everyday things. Showing up, listening, giving, loving,being you.. Studying about Human Trafficking isn't pretty or fun. And sometimes its overwhelming. There is so much pain and injustice on this planet. ''Only words of Light can drive out worlds of dark. Only deeds of Light can drive out depths of dark. Only lives of Light can drive out lies of dark. Darkness can never travel as fast as Light. No matter how bad things get, no matter how black the dark seeps in, no matter the depths of the night — the dark can never travel as fast as Light. The Light is always there first, waiting to shatter the dark.'' - Ann Voskamp And you know. Just because I'm not on a street corner, or in a window doesn't make me a better person. We have to stop labeling others and putting each other into boxes. Lets cut it out people! We have all blown it. And we all have the gift of grace and a new beginning. Everyone has a story behind what we see. We are not victimized by our past. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:23 - But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12: 9.. - Suffering is never a meaningless waste of your life, but a meaningful way through your life. Sometimes the most painful chapters of our lives —- are the most meaningful chapters of our lives. Suffering doesn't have to destroy our ultimate life purpose, but can ultimately achieve our purpose in life. - Ann V. Your story matters. You have a voice. You are Loved. And its not about you being strong enough, strength is admitting our weakness and working to over come. This song!
I've heard a thousand stories of what they think your like But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night You tell me that your pleased and that I'm never alone You're a good, good father It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are And I'm loved by you It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am I've seen many searching for answers far and wide But I know we're all searching for answers only you provide Because you know just what we need before we say a word You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways to us Love so undeniable I can hardly speak Peace so unexplainable I can hardly think As you call me deeper still As you call me deeper still As you call me deeper still Into love love love ''Good Good Father'' - Housefires ''William Wilberforce began fighting for the abolition of slavery in 1787 and, after decades of intense opposition, finally saw it come to pass in 1833. Perseverance is still crucial in today's fight against modern slavery.'' - Nefarious ''Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." Jerimiah 33:6 When I went through costumes in Cleveland I was a tear mess.. Yes, I had just said goodbye to my family. And Elliot. My nephew. Its insane how much love a person can feel over someone so small.... But it was something deeper. Reality was suddenly hitting me. Something inside of me knew I was going to be changed on this trip. Maybe some of you are like. "Kendie!! you're in Europe...!" Yes, I am. And believe me, Amsterdam is beautiful. I love the place...Its one of the coolest places I have ever been! And I live in Costa Rica! So believe me, I know what cool looks like! Because Costa Rica is amazin'! Like I had said before, I started this blog because I need prayer. And right now I need prayer. .. Lots of it. Although Amsterdam has its beauty, and its cool rep. It also has darkness like I have never felt before. You can literally feel the heaviness over the city. I always thought there was 'a' red-light district here in Amsterdam. But there are actually three! Even when you walk through areas of the city that are not in the locations of the red-light districts, you will still see some crap... Something that keeps coming back to me over and over again is: It's not about me. It's not about what I'm doing....I'm not a strong person. I'm not very brave. I'm not better, or more qualified then anyone. God would love me just as much if I had stayed home. I don't understand all of Gods plan in bringing me here. Probably never will. I just know he wants all of me. He wants every piece of scrap...Its not all easy. Its actually really blasted hard. But He said He has good plans for me...plans to prosper me and not to harm me...He never said it would be easy. But I don't doubt that it will be worth every minuet of it. - "Commit your way to the Lord; trust Him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, and the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." - Ps 27: 5-6 Here are a few prayer request: 1. Pray for me, but also for all the shine students. We all need back -up through the next six week. Here are a few things that affect people while doing ministry in Amsterdam. They call them the strongholds of Amsterdam. You can really pray for everyone here at shine. Specifically that this wouldn't affect us. : Depression, doubt, loneliness, lust, and also feeling less spiritually, emotionally,.. then the others around you. 2. Pray for the Staff. They are doing an amazing job at leading Shine! And being there for all of us. I know they are giving a lot. Pray that they could have a great time as well. And get enough rest. 3. For the girls in the windows. They have a story and name just like the rest of us. And God loves them just as much as He does you and I. 4. There is also ministry with homeless. And I will be going on that. Pictures I went on a history tour this afternoon. Here are a few places I saw today! |
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